Welcome to running season! Are you ready to brush off those shoes, hit the gym and train for countless hours only for an hour of getting completely sweaty and filthy? Normally I would be! One of my best friends and I live for this season every year. We have run in the Color Run 3 times, the Glow Run once, and one of my other friends prefers the vineyard trail. I have also had the pleasure of running in the Susan B Komen Race for the Cure. This year I am mildly bitter and angry that the Color Run didn't return, but I still support the cause. The great thing about some of these local races, is that they are benefiting local or national non-profits. Some people just hit the course for fun, but others prefer to know that their $40 registration fee is actually going somewhere.
These races are everywhere. I enjoy the big brand races, but in our community, we have various local races, yes even on bikes, that are all for a good cause. In most cases, this is a double positive. I know that many people out there are like me. You go to work, go home, watch Netflix, and your big exercise is going to the grocery store. Oh wait, that can be delivered now. Communities are taking action to get citizens healthy, get them involved, and to support local causes. Many races support Community Harvest Food Pantry. I think this is a fairly good group. The average middle class person doesn't know anything about the homeless or how hard getting food can be if you are poor. Another frequent flyer around this area is for veteran suicide prevention. I love this one. As an individual ho has battled with mental illness, I believe it is imperative to treat the people who really have a reason to run and hide. I just have chemical imbalances. Many of these people have seen things that they will never be able to forget.
It is great to go out and get exercise or try to get fit, but before you pay that registration fee, make sure it is going to someone who needs it.
Have I mentioned that I wi ll do just about anything to get healthy? This is actually one f my tastiest adventures yet. My mom offered to let me use her juicer that was in storage. I remember having a decent time last time I played with the juicer. My roommates and I forgot to put the cylinder in right after putting the fruit in. It was either that or we didn't hold it. No matter, I believe we had a grape stuck to the ceiling for the rest of the time we lived in that apartment.
I enjoy that story because it was so much fun. It was so messy. We had some wild shenanigans, but all of our best times involved food. Well, most of my best memories still do.
When I finally decided to try this, I knew that we had to have options. Here is what my mom and I did in order to have a successful evening of juicing.
I've got this feeling... inside my head. It feels like all of the dwarfs and trolls are dancing, singing, and using pick axes trying to find my sanity.
Once upon a time... okay seriously, my entire life, I have suffered from migraines. They have been beyond horrible. A few landed me in emergency rooms in need of morphine, some made me question my ability to live, and others drew the attention of police. That last one was actually a funny story.
For the last three days, I have had this lingering and nagging head ache. I left my Wednesday meeting feeling like my eyeballs were about to pop and I am fairly certain I said a few nonsensical things. I thought it was a blood sugar headache because I was really hungry. I was wrong. Even the best naked burrito couldn't help that sucker. I decided to go home and fall asleep watching Trolls.
THursday, the pain continued. I was still working like crazy and focused well enough, but around 4pm, it reminded me it wasn't done. I got home and got a load of laundry and dishes done, but alas, I still ended up taking a three hour nap on the couch. The dreams I had during that nap were insane. It wasn't until I went to sleep for the evening that it got reallu bad. I had dreams my brain was swelling and more weird dreams. I even dreamed that the pain was so bad that I couldn't remember how to get home and had to look for one of my friends that has been to my apartment. It lasted until around 9:30 am when I finally knew I had to get to work, headache or not.
That evening, I went to a TInCaps game and luckily, the pain was maybe a 3/10. That was until the fireworks started. I was so excited to see them, until I heard them. My head started pulsating on the way home. I came home and jumped into bed fearing the worst, yet not knowing what was coming.
Amber is a jerk. I love that cat with all of my heart and soul, but you know what, sometimes I don't want to get up at 5:30 am. My head hurt so bad that I almost couldn't stand it. I thought about calling my mom immediately to tell her I couldn't come visit, but I thought I would just feed the cat and wait. I fed them and immediately went to throw up. Most migraine sufferers know the joy of vomiting. It is one of those love it/hate it things. I hate how bad the radiating pain going through my neck makes me nauseous and somehow makes me want to throw up like I have morning sickness. I love how every time I throw up I get 5 minutes of almost relief! Well eventually, I took up residence in the bathroom. I got a pillow and my blanket, got a hot rag, and tied some leggings around my eyes to keep the light out. Around 6:30, I had already thrown up 2 or 3 times and I decided that it was time to make the call. I didn't say I wasn't coming. I think I said "I am dying". I honestly don't remember much else other then throwing up, drinking water so I didn't dry heave, and sleeping on my new bathroom bed. Around 9:00 am, my mom showed up. She put me in bed with a bucket, force fed me pain medicine, and rubbed essential oils on my face and feet. She told me to go back to sleep and she was going to go grocery shopping. Jake happily guarded me every moment.
She came back and I walked out and said, "What did you do to me?" My headache was back down to a 2/10. I actually was hungry and thirsty. One of the things she wanted to do with me today was go over her possible new business venture, selling essential oils. Let's just say we spent many hours playing with oils an researching. If something can help my migraines, it can help anything.
I recently started multiple small diets that I thought would be collectively amazing. For large portions of my life, I never had to diet. I was very skinny and I could anything I wanted. The only exceptions to this were 6 years ago and now. Last time I was heavy, we blamed my thyroid. I wasn't getting enough iodine, my thyroid wasn't working, my metabolism caught up with me, and I just had major life changes. I would love to pretend that I am a super healthy, skinny girl still, but alas I am not. I am a 30 year old who has had shingles, who has had stress fractures from walking, who suffers from severe depression and anxiety, who has had to evict her gallbladder, who has multiple food allergies, who has severe migraines, and who had random seizures 10 years ago.
I am going on a diet. I am almost 200lbs. I feel miserable all of the time, mentally, physically and self consciously. Let me tell you what I am doing.
Part of me feels like a fraud doing this. I think we should all love ourselves and not care about hat others think, but I obviously care some about what others think. More importantly, I don't like what I have become. I hate it when my asthma is worse because I'm carrying around an extra 70lbs. I hate avoiding the sun because I'm so hot and overweight. I hate feeling uncomfortable in everything that I wear.
The reality is, I am not just doing this for my weight. I could happily drink coke and eat DeBrand's chocolate every day forever. WIll I? No. I'm not an idiot. I have some self respect. Not much with DeBrand's, but some! I want to feel well. I honestly don't remember what it feels like. I remember always getting strep and tonsilitis in elementary school. In 6th grade I got mono and pnemonia. I was good friends with pnemonia and bronchitis, as well as ear and sinus infections. I had a bum knee in my early teens that seemed to get better. Now? It throbs when I climb stairs. I don't want to lose weight to be skinny. I want to be me again. I want to be happy and healthy. I'm not doing it to get a guy. No guy will put up with my cat obsession even if I am skinny. I want to feel good for me.
I am no stranger to new and strange fads. Fad diets, fashion, and yes relaxation techniques are no different. I was having a terrible week last week. My medication was not acting right, my brain was racing, and I just felt off. That is why I made one of my 30 days of relaxation goals to be do meditation.
First off, I am a huge proponent of hypnosis. I was slightly optimistic because I thought it was a relaxed state and maybe it would be similar. It really wasn't. I'll give it credit, it was relaxing. At one point, I felt so relaxed that it felt like I had a glass of wine in my system. I promise, I didn't.
I had no idea where to even start. Do you listen to a recording, watch a video, read a book? I thought videos and books seemed to defeat the purpose of having your eyes clothes and relaxing. I went for an audio that a friend provided. I shooed the felines away and sat on my bed in the comfiest clothes I could come up with. As I sat and listened to this strange man, I tried to push away all of my stressors. I think it worked because I was less temper tantrumy the next day. I remember as I sat there, my body would shift to what he was saying. As he talked about negativity, I found myself slumped. As he mentioned releasing, I would be straight up. I have no idea if I consciously did it or not, but it was fascinating.
Will I try meditation again? probably. I may read a book first to see what the goals and background are first. Until that time, I still have hypnosis to keep me from being a monster.
Part of me wants to say, “Is it ever going to stop raining?” I think that is just the attitude of most of my Indiana counterparts rubbing off on me. I also don’t want to build an ark so it needs to eventually stop. While sitting here listening to the rain hit my patio (because of course I have my windows open), I remember that young girl who wanted so badly to move to Seattle. She wanted to frolic in the rain and wash her hair, wear hippy clothes, carry lavender and drink Starbucks coffee..
I went to Seattle. Food and drinks were good, but guess what? It rains in Indiana too. No shit huh? It really is fascinating what a little bit of rain can do. All of the colors suddenly change. Plans change. Safety changes. The amount of dirt on my car changes. Score 1 for rain! It is truly refreshing.
If you think about something as simple as rain in nature, it makes you wonder why we don’t have that in our lives. I know.. wine. Yes. That refreshes my soul. Technically, my friend, that makes you more thirsty.
Do you remember in the Notebook when Allie and Noah are stuck on the boat in the rain? It was like their entire past of negativity and hurt was washed away. Every girl wanted a kiss in the rain after that. It wasn’t because they wanted to be sopping wet and have mascara drip into their eyes. They wanted all of the complications of life and love to be swept away I a perfect moment.
The Rain by Vedera
The rain is gentle some days
It can clean up the mess that winter made
The rain can wash all the years
Of drought and the tears that were shed
So just look up please
Shine a little bit of hope to me
Let me know, there’s a season for all
And a season to call you my love
And throw me off with your pride, it’s okay
I won’t hide here again and again
I’ll tell you there’s no mistaking
The reason that I’m not afraid
‘Cause I am the rain
The rain will wash us clean and I know
The rain will wash us clean
And when it does I will be right
Beside you holding on, holding on
I am a shopaholic. I would say I am a fashionista, but my clothes are not that impressive. I do have one accessory that I really enjoy getting though. Glasses. As of last year, I still had every pair of glasses from the past 10 years. Why? Because they all go better with different outfits. This year I was lucky enough to get two pairs of glasses with my old person prescription (yes, 30 is old at the moment). I also got a copy of my prescription so I could get some cheap yet attractive frames online. After everything, I had 4 glasses, 2 prescription sunglasses, and contacts.
You may be wondering what the point of my excessive eyewear is. I mentioned that I had every pair of glasses from the past 10 years, except the really expensive pair that I inevitably lost 6 months before I went on the shopping spree. I decided that I was tired of hording these things. They filled up a drawer in my jewelry armoire, they were tucked in the couch, my desk, my car, and pretty much everywhere. I was about to throw them away until I realized that not everyone is as lucky as me. I may not always be able to afford everything I want, but I do have plenty of some things. That day, I started to research some options. I also half blame an episode of Nerdette that inspired me.
Here is what my options came down to:
https://www.new-eyes.org/recycle – Eyeglasses in good condition are sent to medical missions and international charitable organizations for distribution to the poor in developing nations. The key word for me was international. We are very lucky in this country. I sometimes wish I could just go somewhere and help, but alas bill will not go away because I care too much.
https://saving-sight.org/eyeglass-recycling-program – Eyeglass Recycling has been a signature project for Lions Clubs across the country for more than 70 years. Saving Sight supports the Lions in this cause by serving as a collection and distribution center for recycled eyeglasses, collecting approximately 60,000 pairs per year. This is a well established program.
Did you know: 153 million people worldwide suffer from vision problems, which can usually be corrected with glasses?
We see the problem. Let’s fix it. don’t throw away your glasses. If you are interested in donating, please visit one of the above websites. If you want to be a part of my large donation drop, contact me.
This Sunday, day 3 of my relaxation month, a dear old friend came to visit. Once upon a time, we worked together. She even took over my office when I moved to another office. It was always so funny going in there after that because it was a freaking jungle/greenhouse. She was truly plant obsessed. If you ever heard the story of how we got into a fight about trees and my paper waste, you would understand.
When we were trying to figure out what to do that day we had a hard time narrowing down options. The mall, drinking wine, eating, manicures, shopping for plants… You can see what won right? She was looking for a very specific succulent. I feel as if it had panda in the name. Good news is we found it. The bad news is that I stared at them too long. I kept remembering how many times I wanted to get a succulent, but I thought the price was ridiculous for a little plant that looked like rubber and could easily be faked. It turns out, they are cheap in the garden section. Just don’t get them in the floral area of a store. If roses are near by, it increases the property value.
I bought that damn succulent grouping for $4. I also got a little cactus for $3. The question we will have to answer is which I kill first. If I was more optimistic, I would say which is more like me, fake looking or prickly. At the end of the day, I keep my cats alive quite well. I will just have to work hard to keep these alive too. They are my new symbols of a new way of life. I should at least try to keep them alive through the month.
Hi. Have you met me? I am high strung. Difficult. Edgy. I suffer from major depression and severe anxiety. I get it honestly. My grandma was bipolar and our family seems to have it honestly trickled into our personalities. I often use work to channel my anxiety when it is too overbearing. Yes, I take terrible medication that makes you gain weight and feel like Porky Pig. I also try to talk to people that understand the anomalies of my noggin.
About a week ago, I was talking to one of my good friends who has the same problems I have. She helped me put my super anxiety into perspective. What can I do to help with my symptoms. I decided to try something new every day in order to break my routine.
Day 1 – Winery with friends
Day 2 – Baseball game and root for the opposing team
Day 3 – Buy a plant
Day 4 – Watch a Twilight Marathon, because I don’t care how old I am. I still love it
Day 5 – Meditation
Day 6 – Read a book that isn’t for book club
Day 7 – Take a picture with a stranger
Day 8 – Go to a place I’ve never been
Day 9 – Get a pedicure
Day 10 – Get flowers
Day 11 – Spend an entire evening with my cats
Day 12 – Write a letter
Day 13 – Cook something that I wouldn’t normally cook
Day 14 – Write a brag entry
Day 15 – Look through old photo albums
Day 16 – Stargaze
Day 17 – Run
Day 18 – Start a puzzle
Day 19 – Take a bubble bath
Day 20 – Find a new hobby
Day 21 – Write 5 thank you cards
Day 22 – Sit outside and listen to the breeze
Day 23 – Clean out email
Day 24 – Volunteer for a new organization
Day 25 – Start a collection of items to give to a non-profit in need
Day 26 – Listen to classical music all day
Day 27 – Go for a drive
Day 28 – Develop new photos
Day 29 – Write a list of positive traits of all of your co-workers and friends
Day 30 – Watch a Disney movie