Dreams are funny things, One day you want to be president and the next day, you just want to blend in. Every day, I feel myself slip further away from that young day dreamer from Greentown, IN. She was so naive and also so weird. I'm not discounting the weird part. I own that. I just love thinking about what life would have been like if I would have listened to her.
13 Year Old Me
1. Famous singer
2. Paleobotonist, yes that did escalate quickly
1. Brian Littrell
2. JC Chasez
3. Nick Lachey
That's it. I had schemes in place.
4. New York
5. Las Angeles
It is so funny. My ideas were as outlandish as my pants. See photo above.
30 Year Old Me
1. Anything that pays
2. Anything in my current field
3. Anything in my city
4. Regional Development
1. A person if I leave my apartment
2. Is it legal to marry Netflix?
3. I know it isn't legal to marry the cat
4. I need to join a dating site
5. Can someone set me up?
1. Fort Wayne is pretty nice
2. I've always loved Boston
3. Seattle is a dream
4. Vermont wouldn't be bad
5. Just repeat that list
Now that is a realist, millennial, antisocial, hipster, old maid. My 13 year old self would be so proud. At least my sense of humor evolved and those pants went in the trash.
Around 6 months ago, I decided that I was going to do something totally new and totally for myself. I have always dreamed about doing some sort of writing, but I am actually not the greatest at writing. This puts a damper on things. I can talk in public, make charts, come up with stories in my head, but once I am really putting details to paper, I am not the best.
One of my ultimate goals is to get off my lazy ass and open that document that was started that Sunday night. I was listening to Lauren Conrad’s new book and she was gushing about her techniques on being a successful writer. One hour every day… This seemed awesome.
I mapped out my characters, plot, chapters, overall theme, and even started the first chapter. Damn you Lorelei Gilmore for making this sound so easy. You are a freaking Gilmore, of course it is easy!
Here are my current lessons I have learned from this time of adventure and misfortune.
Part of me wants to say, “Is it ever going to stop raining?” I think that is just the attitude of most of my Indiana counterparts rubbing off on me. I also don’t want to build an ark so it needs to eventually stop. While sitting here listening to the rain hit my patio (because of course I have my windows open), I remember that young girl who wanted so badly to move to Seattle. She wanted to frolic in the rain and wash her hair, wear hippy clothes, carry lavender and drink Starbucks coffee..
I went to Seattle. Food and drinks were good, but guess what? It rains in Indiana too. No shit huh? It really is fascinating what a little bit of rain can do. All of the colors suddenly change. Plans change. Safety changes. The amount of dirt on my car changes. Score 1 for rain! It is truly refreshing.
If you think about something as simple as rain in nature, it makes you wonder why we don’t have that in our lives. I know.. wine. Yes. That refreshes my soul. Technically, my friend, that makes you more thirsty.
Do you remember in the Notebook when Allie and Noah are stuck on the boat in the rain? It was like their entire past of negativity and hurt was washed away. Every girl wanted a kiss in the rain after that. It wasn’t because they wanted to be sopping wet and have mascara drip into their eyes. They wanted all of the complications of life and love to be swept away I a perfect moment.
The Rain by Vedera
The rain is gentle some days
It can clean up the mess that winter made
The rain can wash all the years
Of drought and the tears that were shed
So just look up please
Shine a little bit of hope to me
Let me know, there’s a season for all
And a season to call you my love
And throw me off with your pride, it’s okay
I won’t hide here again and again
I’ll tell you there’s no mistaking
The reason that I’m not afraid
‘Cause I am the rain
The rain will wash us clean and I know
The rain will wash us clean
And when it does I will be right
Beside you holding on, holding on
It is sad when you realize that everything is eventually final. We spend our whole lives fighting to make every moment worth it, and if we are lucky it was.
Recently, I have seen so many things become final. It was understandably difficult when my grandfather passed away last January 24. I remember this day because I found out after I was walking out of the My City Summit by YLNI. The funeral was on my birthday. He was my favorite grandparent certainly, but it was hard because he was the last. Somehow I feel as if 30 years old is to young to have no grandparents. I guess I should be lucky because I have friends with no parents. When he passed away, I was lucky enough to be preparing the presentation for the previous two years. He liked to tango on the edge. He learned how to be stubborn from my grandmother. I had the unfortunate pleasure to have the flu that day, but I knew the message I wanted portrayed. My grandfather was a 32nd degree mason and a veteran. He worked his ass off and he deserved an award for surviving with my grandmother. I love her, but you would need to meet her to understand.
Yesterday, I had two circumstances that made things a little more final. My sister arrived at my parents house to give these certificates to all of the grandparents that were in honor of my grandfather. My uncle thought it would be something we would all cherish. The memories were enough to be cherished, but this was good.
The more humorous part of the day was when my little nephew Cal was riding home with me. We were having one of those philosophical debates that only a highly gifted 4 year old and a history nerd could have. My other nephew decided that my mom’s car was now named Mario Yoshi. This made sense because his mom’s car was Blue Yoshi. I remind you that Cal is from a family of transportation gurus. Every man in my family has a certain mode of transportation that they are mildly obsessed over. Cal’s dad work’s for Honda so he can get defensive about cars (even though he is secretly a train guy). Cal was absolutely appalled that these cars had names. It didn’t make sense. Car’s don’t have names because they aren’t real and they aren’t people. I opened my big mouth and said my car is named Marquis de Lafayette. He was a real person and my car is named after him. He didn’t believe that such a stupid name was real. Good old Wikipedia proved him wrong. He was shocked. He went on and on asking me about Lafayette’s life and death. I was very perplexed by this. Why was he so interested in the bad day that he died? My mom informed me after that, that Cal had been obsessed with death since great grandpa died. Great. I changed the subject. Nope. An hour later, he brought it up again. I told him it was a bad day because he had a premonition Justin Bieber would exist in the future. He believed that. He need some proof, but overall it was a save.
It breaks my heart that someone so young can be so confused by death and so impacted. It is my hope and dream that he is able to grow and not fear it. I hope he learns that it is a normal thing and you should live life to the fullest until you are called home.
Yesterday, I also drove past a grave I hadn’t been by in ten years. I think I was still afraid. It was like it symbolized when we all grew up too fast.
Today is like yesterday. I received a call about a wonderful person who passed. I was struck by the last line of the obituary. In keeping to the spirit of how *this person* lived her full and generous life, please consider making a charitable donation to the organization of your choice and passion.
Passion. Live every day with passion, generosity and kindness. Death will come eventually, but maybe we can protect some of that innocence around us with a little positive life.
I am a shopaholic. I would say I am a fashionista, but my clothes are not that impressive. I do have one accessory that I really enjoy getting though. Glasses. As of last year, I still had every pair of glasses from the past 10 years. Why? Because they all go better with different outfits. This year I was lucky enough to get two pairs of glasses with my old person prescription (yes, 30 is old at the moment). I also got a copy of my prescription so I could get some cheap yet attractive frames online. After everything, I had 4 glasses, 2 prescription sunglasses, and contacts.
You may be wondering what the point of my excessive eyewear is. I mentioned that I had every pair of glasses from the past 10 years, except the really expensive pair that I inevitably lost 6 months before I went on the shopping spree. I decided that I was tired of hording these things. They filled up a drawer in my jewelry armoire, they were tucked in the couch, my desk, my car, and pretty much everywhere. I was about to throw them away until I realized that not everyone is as lucky as me. I may not always be able to afford everything I want, but I do have plenty of some things. That day, I started to research some options. I also half blame an episode of Nerdette that inspired me.
Here is what my options came down to:
https://www.new-eyes.org/recycle – Eyeglasses in good condition are sent to medical missions and international charitable organizations for distribution to the poor in developing nations. The key word for me was international. We are very lucky in this country. I sometimes wish I could just go somewhere and help, but alas bill will not go away because I care too much.
https://saving-sight.org/eyeglass-recycling-program – Eyeglass Recycling has been a signature project for Lions Clubs across the country for more than 70 years. Saving Sight supports the Lions in this cause by serving as a collection and distribution center for recycled eyeglasses, collecting approximately 60,000 pairs per year. This is a well established program.
Did you know: 153 million people worldwide suffer from vision problems, which can usually be corrected with glasses?
We see the problem. Let’s fix it. don’t throw away your glasses. If you are interested in donating, please visit one of the above websites. If you want to be a part of my large donation drop, contact me.
You know you have lived in Fort Wayne for too long when you get very defensive about a local sports team. My sister offered tickets to a South Bend Cubs game and I was like… ewww. TinCaps are my thing. Oh didn’t you know they are playing the TinCaps? Oh, I am totally there.
I went searching around for TinCaps gear. Total failure. Apparently the stadium isn’t open the day of away games. Makes sense. I spent the evening with my nephew who has suddenly become a Cubs fan. Not really sure how this happened. Our family has a strong history with baseball. Wile yes we are from the Chicago area, we were bred to be White Sox fans. Everyone except me that is. I like the Yankees. On top of that, my brother played baseball, I played softball, and my sister managed softball.
My nephew, Sweet Nathan, decided that running around with a baseball glove and an old ball were totally appropriate for a ball game. I decided it would be a good idea to taunt surrounding Cubs fans. I get how excited you al are about the big team winning the world series, but no, not you! Everyone around me gave me dirty looks. I clapped and “woohooed” when something good happened. My dad kept trying to put a Cubs hat on me and I would throw it off claiming cooties or Cubbie germs.
The TinCaps have become a staple in our little Fort Wayne world. This is why I chose this to be my 2nd day of relaxation. I capped off my evening perfectly with two things I love: baseball and pissing people off.
Some days it really is difficult to believe that all of my grandparents are gone. If I want to see them, luckily they are all right beside each other in the Marion National Cemetery. Sometimes whe. I am driving home to my parents house, I will take a quick detour and drive by just to wave. I imagine exactly what each one would say to me, how they would be acting, what they felt about me, and what they taught me.
My grandparents we from very different worlds. The Condry's were from the south. Grandpa was from a hardworking family in Arkansas that had a porch band. Grandma was from an abusive family that was often called evil. She grew up in Kentucky. The Sarjeant's were extremely different. Grandpa grew up in Michigan and was a Baptist minister, while grandma was born and raised in China as a missionary.
Each memory and lesson is unique. I guess you just have to understand the source.
You never know what is in someone else's heart. What makes you a better person, others may find bad. You need to be true to your heart.
True love lasts forever. If it can survive shock treatments and padded rooms, it is real.
Eat bacon everyday. You will live forever.
Quilts are sewn with love.
Love can be learned. Even if you weren't loved before, that doesn't mean your heart can't let it in.
Toilet bowl cleaner doesn't clean carpets.
Always wear Perfume.
Pounding things gets things done.
Nothing should interrupt a good meal. Not even a stroke.
Love at first sight is real.
Solitaire is a devil's game only if you are a child.
It is possible to have a rule for everything.
You are never to old for chocolate and back rubs.
A girl's first love is always her dad.
Stubbornness runs in the family.
You can never have too many peanut butter jars.
Bless the ones who came before us and made our lives crazy and funny.
I have been hearing a lot about mentors lately. It wasn't until I worked in higher education that this word became a part of my everyday vocabulary. Some people are uncomfortable by them and some people swear by them. I just want to know where you get them?
I have had the privilege of working with amazing people, men and women, at all of my places of employment. I looked up to these people, attempted to model myself after them, but I don't know if I could call any of them mentors. Mentors seem more like a reciprocal relationship where one person knows that they are hot stuff and the other is not. The cool guy/gal is in turn supposed to be very Yoda like and teach the young Skywalker how to be just like them.
Here is my ad:
Young perfectionist, hard worker, and who probably needs to broaden her horizons, is seeking mentor. Mentor should be friendly, yet honest and to the point. No sugar coating. Mentee may need to be reminded what life is like outside her bubble. Mentor must love volunteering ant the community so mentee and mentor and make huge strides together.
PS This is unrealistic. If so many careers are advocates and even require mentoring relationships, should this be a normal step in order for young employees to advance?
Experiencing interpersonal relationships with people who are not your direct co-workers can be very rewarding. Maybe we can learn to get to know each other and learn something new.